im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
