Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You're like the curious george of whores
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
