I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize
