So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
