so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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