i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
