Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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