i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
