i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
