I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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