is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
