Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
