I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Come on in and take your pants off
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