Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize