guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
