White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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