there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
