your parents love me but you hate me
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
