I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
