apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
