And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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