how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
