I cannot find my penis.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
