did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
