Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize