she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
