I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
