just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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