Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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