Umm I'm too high to move.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
