I'm lost and stupid without you.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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