after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
