how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
