Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
