just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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