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Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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