haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
