im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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