hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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