Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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