I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
