my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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