I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
