dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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