Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
