Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
