I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
