at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
