What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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