these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
