obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize