did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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