Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
