I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
