Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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