So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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