ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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