the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
And then he peed in my hair
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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