Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
