dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
