I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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