Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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