Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Drunk is not a location!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
