my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
