It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
