I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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