I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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