Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
