Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
