I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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