Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
