Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
