Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
