You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
